Daytripping

Turkish Supermarket

...and we celebrated with girls called Anastascia & Svetlana.

Summer House & #4

An interesting something something for a Wednesday afternoon...

form an orderly line please

Kettle wins Miss England?

A Morphy Richard DD269 kettle has become the first kitchen appliance to win Miss England in the competition's history.

The kettle, from Holsworthy, West Devon, won the crown after a public vote on Monday night.

The kitchen favourite will now compete for the Miss World title in South Africa later this year.

Michelle Farncook, a 20-year-old chef from Norwich, famous for her dish 'Norfolk Pork Crust', came second in the grand final.

Before winning last night, The Kettle - who was competing as Miss Devon refused to speak to press, insisting she needed time to 'warm up'.


Karen Fingleparker-Jones is a part-time tea lady and cobbler. Fingleparker-Jones from Enfield, has been in a tea lady for five years and has worked with kettles for much of that time.

She said ahead of the vote: "By no stretch do I think I am the most beautiful girl in England, but for me this is not what Miss England is about." Of the kettle's limescale problem she commented: "I think the winner should be beautiful on the inside as well."


D

Matthew 27:32-54 (Alternative Version)

32As they were going out, they met a man from Cyrene, named Simon, and they forced him to carry the keg. 33They came to a place called Golgotha (which means The Place of The Party). 34There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with vodka; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it. 35When they had partied with him, they divided up his stash by casting lots.[a] 36And sitting down, they kept watch over him there. 37Above his head they placed the written charge against him: THIS IS JESUS, THE KING OF THE PARTY. 38Two cheerleaders danced with him, one on his right and one on his left. 39Those who passed by hurled paper cups at him, shaking their heads 40and saying, "You who are going to destroy the frat house and regret it tomorrow, save yourself! Come down from the roof, if you are the Son of God!"

41In the same way the Dean and the chess club mocked him. 42"He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! He's the 'King of The Party'! Let him come down now from the roof, and we will believe in him. 43He trusts in hair metal. Let hair metal rescue him, for he said, "Van Halen are rad" 44In the same way the cheerleaders who danced with him also heaped insults on him.

45From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. 46About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani!"—which means, "This party rules!"

47When some of those standing there heard this, they said, "He's so wasted."

48Immediately one of them ran and got a bucket. He filled it with water, put it on a stick, and offered it to Jesus to drink. 49The rest said, "Now leave him alone. Let's see how he feels in the morning."

50And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he threw up his spirits.

51At that moment the curtain of the frat house was splashed in vomit from top to bottom. The campus shook and the keg spilt. 52The dorms broke open and the bodies of many drunk people who had passed out were raised to life. 53They came out of the dorms, and after Jesus had passed out they went into the town center and appalled too many people.

54When the captain of the football team and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the incident and all that had happened, they were impressed, and exclaimed, "Surely he was awesome!".

This Is Just To Say

I have ripped off
the poem
that you wrote
in 1934

and which
you are probably
best
known for

Forgive me
it was unimaginative
so rushed
and so easy


Daniel William Daniels

#2 & #3

Majestic Public Opera House

#1

Stuart Garcka 1989-2009

Stuart Garcka left a musical legacy that has influenced every generation of musicians since. He's seen as the man who virtually invented electronica and whose phat bass lines made the 'alternative' dance scene of the late 2000s possible. Former Subconscious Sniff front man Tommy Pecan said of him: He changed the course of music. He injected a vein of thumping beats into British subconcious which was a breath of fresh air.

Siobhán Terrence ‘Stu’ Garcka was born in Tewkesbury on 25 January, 1989 to Jon Garcka and Mandy Shade . Stuart's father came from a long line of kitchen furnishing suppliers, a tradition Stuart was fully expected to follow. He was educated at Borden Grammar School and went on to study at the University of Leicester where he auditioned for the university'’s choir. Readily recognisable by his raincoat, cane and nasal drone, this spectacularly dull character specialised in absurd claims about trivial matters.
Once he'd finished his studies, Stuart continued to contribute to the choir and began to write small electronic arangements for weddings and funerals, most notably Art Scum Fuck #41 (2003) and Eyeball Cat Bollocks (2004).

In 2006 Garcka joined with Lutz Buchmann and two nobodies, Daniel Good (sad poet) and Alexa ‘Alex’ Hawkins VI (a medieval historian/rapper). Together they created Off The Rikta. The band contrasted strongly with previous musical ventures in that there were no songs or dancing girls - it was controversial and nauseating for most. It was the first time in living memory that politicians, churchmen and the armed forces had been entertained thoroughly and the show encapsulated the ‘new millenium funk’ of the 2000s. Although slow to take off, the band eventually transferred from London to Torquay, and then to the Isle Of Wight before a national tour of Butlins campsites in 2007 which led to Garcka, Buchmann, Hawkins and Good recording their debut album Ricochet Jim (2008).

Garcka's drinking, already out of control, was affecting his professional life. Long absences from home and the acrimonious nature of his relationship with women meant he saw little of his daughters Lucy and Kortax and this seemed to push him more and more towards alcohol, to the increased frustration of his band.

After playing bass for The Kindred Spirits on their album Lady Fly in late 2008, Garcka rediscovered some old tapes he and Buchmann had made, mainly for their own amusement, during the 2007 Butlins tour. The tapes were far from polished, and much of their content was surreal, scatological and obscene in nature. They were an angrier, sexier Stu and Lutz. The pair ignored the tapes until they realised that, by way of friends, they were starting to emerge in the form of bootlegs and were becoming highly popular. Our Organ Odyssey EP was finally released in 2008 and in effect reinvented Off The Rikta. Garcka was enthusiastic, but Buchmann feared it might jeopardise his chances of Hollywood stardom.

Garcka's increasing alcohol problem was evident by early 2009, though he continued to appear at charity shows and played the omnichord on ETJ's critically aclaimed album 9002 (2009), but really his final year was characterised by his phenomenal weight gain and the rushed release of what would be Off The Rikta's final album LET'S GET DOWN TO DISCO!

Stuart Garcka died on 17 July 2009, having suffered a gastrointestinal haemorrhage (a direct result of severe liver damage) in the intensive-care unit of the Royal Free Hospital in Hampstead, North London. He was 20. Days earlier he had been taken in and announced "I feel a bit shitty".

Summer Punk

Summer Feeling

I shall post here sporadically over the Summer. Probably quite a lot at first, then less, then less than that, until I stop.